2005 saw the 20th anniversary of the re-founding of the Liverpool Bar Cricket Club, initially as the Cryptics, until it was discovered that this was causing the Club to be mistaken for a rather better cricket team. Although we failed to bowl a single side out even once last summer, by hook or by crook we remained unbeaten, in our 21st season.  This prompted some veterans to recall the halcyon days of David Dennis and Edward Bartley Jones opening the batting.  However, the season did not get off to an auspicious start, with a European friendly away at Conwy C.C.  On a difficult batting wicket Conwy were restricted to 177 for 7 declared.  With 3 wickets for 37 runs off his 10 overs, Nick Ryan was the pick of the bowlers.   At tea, Ryan was revelling in his new found status as an all rounder, only to be the first of two batsmen clean bowled in the first over of our reply.  With the score 6 runs (5 of them extras) for 4 wickets, our debutant Oliver Cook returned to the pavilion actually bragging about his innings of 1, as at No. 5 he was the first batsman to score a run off the bat.  I thought that things could get no worse, only to look up to see Gwynn Price Rowlands striding to the wicket, having arrived in good time for the second innings, with much the same air as General Blűcher pitching up at Waterloo.  It was a struggle to recall any fielding by which GPR had injured himself so as to justify the runner he was taking to the wicket with him. With their national sense of fair play to the fore, the Conwy team sportingly declined to object to GPR stretching the laws beyond their limit, and GPR even persuaded his compatriots to remove their hostile fast bowlers from the attack on the basis that he had not prepared for such a searching cross-examination.  This enabled Mark Chester, who top-scored with 43, and Michael Armstrong with 25, to take the score in the direction of respectability, until a golden duck from Ivan Woolfenden left the last two batsmen clinging on for the final 10 overs for an honourable draw.  It was hoped that this would be suitable preparation for the upcoming test series of Twenty 20 games against the CPS.  Sadly, the first game was rained off, and the CPS failed to raise a side for the second game, despite having prematurely booked the Gulshan restaurant for their anticipated celebratory dinner.  Instead, we had a net on the hallowed main square at Liverpool Cricket Club, and Michael Armstrong managed to hospitalise himself trying to hook a Charles Prior half volley. And so to Northern Cricket Club where Northern’s young bucks contemptuously called a halt after 33 overs with 233-4 on the board, and Will Rankin’s thumb broken along the way.  Kenward had dutifully opened the bowling with 0 for 49 off 5 overs, before generously allowing the Northern batsman to inflict any further carnage upon the bowling of Prior, which they did.  However, Damian Nolan then proceeded to treat the Northern bowling in much the same way with a barnstorming, Flintoffesque innings of 88, only interrupted by regular calls for a change of bat as he sought to hit each ball further than he had hit the last one.  Nolan’s dismissal, in sight of a century, brought no relief to Northern as Michael Armstrong hurried us to our target with a flurry of boundaries in his 28 not out.  Sadly our inaugural fixture with the Liverpool Law Society at Liverpool Cricket Club was to fall victim to the weather, although not before we had reached 74 for 4 with Michael Armstrong (33) the best of the batsman.  Ivan Woolfenden also entertained us with a cameo knock having been sent in as a rainwatchman so as to protect Charles Prior from having his early tea marred by the disappointment of already being out.  As the rain fell, we reflected on how the other half of the profession live, as we enviously watched the senior partner of Brian Jackson and Co. wash the contents of his hamper down with a bottle of Chardonnay.  Our preparations for our crunch game with the Chester Bar were thrown into disarray in a similar fashion to Glenn McGrath injuring ankle ligaments by stepping on a cricket ball, when our talismanic and temperamental veteran, Nick Ryan, ‘phoned up at 11 am on the Sunday of the game to withdraw, with the excuse proffered that Miriam was insistent that he spend the afternoon looking after the boys as he had spent too much of the previous day lazing around watching the Test match.  This was followed hard on the heels by a text message from our form player, Damian Nolan, to the effect that he could not read airline timetables, and had only just discovered that his flight back was 6.00 o’clock in the evening, and not in the morning.  I struggled to imagine the Australian coach having to explain such problems to the media, and pinned my hopes on the Chester Bar turning up with 2 extra players in their usual way of seeking to secure a numerical advantage.  We knew that delectable culinary delights awaited us at Christleton Cricket Club where a tea prepared by Mrs. Julian Shaw is always one of the highlights of our traditional annual fixture with the Chester Bar.  A big score by the Chester captain, Julian Shaw, is usually another of the highlights, so that an early and extended tea interval seemed on the cards when he was caught  Prior bowled Prior for a duck.  However, his opening partner, whose name I have yet to find on the Bar List, made a century, before the higher priority of tea necessitated a declaration at 193 for 5.  A big opening partnership between Simon Gorton (55) and Michael Armstrong (43) and an unbeaten fifty from the bearded wonder, James Hawks, meant that victory was never in doubt.  We even had the luxury of allowing Ivan Woolfenden to end the season as he had begun it, with another golden duck, as well as brief innings from Liam Grundy, which exposed to our Chester colleagues the partiality of Charles Prior’s umpiring, although no one could deny that the entertainment was worth prolonging.  We took to the field for our final game, against the Wirral Police at Wallasey Cricket Club, with five of our players having missed the start, even without GPR in the side.  Having managed to restrict the Police to 105 for 3 wickets off their 20 overs, Damian Nolan smashed a quick 36 before Michael Armstrong scored 25 not out and finished the game and the season with a straight 6. My choice for player of the season would be Damian Nolan who had a batting average of 62.  The S. W. G. Edis award for the most improved player would be Michael Armstrong, whose consistency was demonstrated by scores of 25, 28 not out, 33, 43 and 25 not out in consecutive innings.  Although once thought to have been claimed by Nick Ryan in perpetuity, there could only be one candidate for the Tonker Tankard (awarded for the triumph of fortitude over ineptitude), namely Ivan Woolfenden, who sought to make sure of his Primary Club application by qualifying twice, and who is not the player to let a golden duck detract from his enjoyment of an afternoon’s cricket, or the unexpectedly early cigarette break which such a dismissal brings.  Be warned, 2005 saw the institution of a new award for the lamest excuse for a late cry off, and went, predictably, to Nick Ryan.  At least GPR turns up eventually. Roll on the 2006 season, already being looked forward to as the comeback season of Andrew Edis QC. Tim Kenward